Three years later, after earning her art degree, countless hours spent volunteering with the local arts council and creating colorful abstract paintings admired by many, should have felt fulfilling, but it didn’t.  There was an intangible something missing.  Painting with feeling was the only way to put voice to what did not feel right.

In 1980, Rosemary drove into Manhattan with 17 of her paintings tightly packed into her little Honda with high hopes of gaining a new perspective from a resident artist. His response to her small collection of paintings was, “Well, you obviously know how to move paint around.” What she received next was a question. “So, what is the morality of painting for you?”  The response that immediately came into her mind was, “I just have to keep painting”.  She was hoping someone could give her a sense of how to proceed.  But it seemed whatever she was seeking had to emerge from within and she would need to continue to pursue it herself, through painting. It was an insight but fell short of the answers she had been hoping to receive.

In 1981, still feeling unsettled Rosemary signed up for an independent studies course, with Josh Rose, who at the time was teaching painting at New Mexico State University.  As they began, she worked on her own at home and brought her paintings in to be critiqued weekly. At the third critique, he abruptly and unexpectedly got to the point. “Why are you bringing me this crap?”  Her response was, “Because this is all I know how to do right now.  This is why I’m coming to you.”  Rosemary confessed the misgivings she was having about her work which, in her mind, seemed shallow and surface level.  He said, “You are having a problem with structure.  Your structure isn’t matching your subject.”  Rosemary admitted she was going through a hard time and was dealing with some emotional stuff.  She thought those feelings should be in her art, but they weren’t.  He replied, “You know you have to open up that box.”  Feeling frustrated with whatever was preventing her from painting what she felt, the only answer Rosemary had was, “But that’s the thing, I can’t find the box.”  He responded by telling her, “I’m going to give you an assignment that will help you find the box and deal with the problems you are having with structure.”

The first assignment he gave her severed her bond with vibrant color (temporarily).  She was to start, a new painting each day, for one week, using only white, burnt umber and thalo blue and then bring the paintings in for feedback.  (The combination of the three colors made a marvelous range of grays.) She was instructed to, “paint what you feel, not what you think.”

Surprisingly, what emerged in her paintings was unlike anything she had expected.  The assignment turned out to be an artistic enema / catharsis.  She found herself crying and painting nudes, images which most of the people she showed them to, described as disturbing.  Only one person ever saw any potential, and others said they were worried she was losing her soul.  She spent a whole week of painting without thinking, just feeling, and it just poured out of her.

At the end of the week, she took her work to Josh Rose fully expecting him to again say they were “crap”.  In anticipation, the first thing she asked was, “They’re terrible, aren’t they?”  His response was, “No, they’re wonderful.  Now, do you understand what I meant by structure?”  Rosemary responded, “Yes.  Last night I was reading the book Letters to a Young Poet.  And when I came to the part where Rilke says it is only in knowing your subject deeply that it finds its own structure, I knew he was describing what I had been experiencing all week while I painted, and it made sense to me.”

The second assignment was the same as the first, only this time she was allowed to add thalo green to her limited palette.  By the end of the second week, hard work and some kind of small miracle had opened an inner door and she no longer felt blocked.

The images and subjects that were emerging were deeply personal.  Her art was about the forces in life that make us (family), the forces that shape us (our experiences) and the forces that challenge us.  It was about transformation, celebration, loss, memories and things that mattered to her.